wen i'm down

haa...it was certainly a tiring day..i can sleep but i cant sleep at da same time...one side of my body is hurt from my skul to my body..thank GOD!not till toe..anyway...i was again abused by my brotha...his not helping me to help him...i knoe him so well but yet i dunno howta change him..wut am i suppose to do to make him a betta person?i'm glad he has changed at least abit..onli i can see it...i wonder how long is this gonna be..i wonder wen is GOD gona send him an angel to be there by his side 24/7 an angel to help him think properly to solve his problems an angel to guide him an angel to take away his shits an angel to accompany him..i'm tired of being his lil punching bag but i guess onli i can tollerate him...his my brother!!!no one help him i must help him..i will do my very very very best but i'm jes a normal human with normal brains..i'm a human who is very fragile..but still his da same blood..his in my blood i cant jes sit and see him fall...but at da same time i need back ups.i don wanna end up like him a lonely soul with no frens n onli relying on 2 person which is me n his gf..now dat his gf left him he's so frustrated he put it all on me..all da philosophy about faith is finally making sence..i realised i can onli be bullied by him but i can never be bullied by other ppl...i hope all da da punching n hitting will make me a better person...he been thru worse but i dun needta live for all da shits he been thru...if he loves me as his sister he wont treat me like this but as i said before everythang has a but in it...he is frustrated he needs help n support...learned frm zero to sumthin all from him but abusing me is not gonna help...da words he use to threaten me is not gonna help..he hates me more n more...he put it in such a way dat he means it..i hope he dun..i'm 18 cuing to 19 but i havta understand this simple theory...GOD!!!i'm begging on my knees...pls help me to be stronger den before..pls lead me da way to make him less stress...i'm begging in behalf of my brother GOD!!!he needs to be stronger everyday pls send him an angel or open up his mind to tink better on obstacles..i'm happy to hav such a successfull brother i am truly proud but GOD!!i'm begging on behalf of him again to shower him with countless patience n tolerants..guide him to turn to GOD!as only GOD can help him to safe himself from fears n obstacles..as only GOD can wave off unnecesorry problems..

haa...memorable day!!!de most memorable day~!

another memorable day!!!1st off...JO'S IN MY PLACE(shakin her ass)!!n for once i dun havta drive in n out my house!!!!!yeah den bak to the main topic....owh GOD i really dunno where ta begin!!!we were at coll...HE was stoned i was pissed...HE was acting strange..but inde end of da day HE was ok...we came home i mean my house HE was suppose to jes take a nap but we ended up doing sumthin else..harhar...i jes gotta express it all out!!!!we were on top of each other...making love..my ow my...!!!i was at da highest stage of high man(not really)!!!YES!!!!YES!!!!i can finally satisfy HIM...HE was like sooooooooooo high...i was ssssooooooooooo high lookin at him high!!!argh!!!!undiscribe-able...!!!unforgetable!!!GOD damn!!i am sooooooooo in love!!!i love NIGEL!!!!though i was not really turned on but den still afta 2 months n 19 days!!!da feelin is ssssooooo ooowwwwhhh GOD!!!!cant describe it now...nites peepss!!!love ya'll!!!
this is HIM n thats me...

finally bak!!!

yeah...so it been afta a month since i last wrote my last blog....hmmm feelin sumthin unusual...well i've been great busy doing shits i dun even knoe wut..nah actually lotsa thangs happened this passed one month...1st i would like ta talk bout my boring 2 weeks without my babes andgee.she went back to her homegrown MIRI (i missed her badly) but so n so i still hav my babes joann we played pool da whole 2 weeks..2 weeks of weekends spent like almost all my allowance on pool n car wash n food n yea basic stuff...freakin pissed cus i lost my company's money bout 600 plus..i hadta ask my dad for it..fucked real fucked up month...got screwed frm my mom cus of not concerntrating on my studies bla bla bla....not spending my time wisely...yeah n got screwed terribly frm my bro again n again he did it again...no one ta blame cus it'll alwis be my fault...owh yeah everyone was screwing me up even joann's mom screwed me cus i slept over at her crib..jes for da...she tinks i didnt inform my dad n not responsible n showing bad examples to her daughter wut da hell is wrong with ppl?ow yeh i was drunk i cant drive home unless she wants ta be responsible for my death if i was caught in an accident...plus i was sick..c'mon joann's mother!!i person who's in pain who's drunk cant drive home...cant she understand dat simple statement or princip??anyway...wuts passed has passed jes not going into dat house again unless its necessary...den moving to da week wen my babes andgee came bak to where she belonged...hahahahah i missed her so much...she bought so many stuff for us...she brought so many of her nice clothes...2 big luggage..can u ever belief dat?hmm....yeah den i was as usual busy with my college stuff...working stuff...household problems...yeah...was preparing for my last n major presentation for marketing..it was HELL..!!!i didnt sleep for like 2 nites...haiz...den yet again...we screwed everythang so perfectly...it was again HELL!!but at da same time its an experience to learn...i learned dat before we start doing anythang..everythang must hav planning...a great planning frm head to da body to da toe..every part of eveythang dats y its alwis betta ta do everythang at an early stage...not last minute like normal malaysian alwis does...after all is said n done...after all the presentation n shits...my family gave probs again!!!my uncle n my father fought....fuckin uncle actully stole my fuckin car...made police report n stuff..dammit man!!!y am i alwis cought inda middle??(dang it!i'm running outta ciggies!) nyway cumin bak to da topic...havoc started everyone thinks my uncle's a good guy n we're da blood suckers but da fact is his da fuckin bastards who made us da victim....bladdy muthafucka!!!!talking bout him makes my fuckin blood pressure rise to da highest level!!afta all da hassel going down ta melacca n stuff..spending wasting time..everythang is sort of settled down i mean quaterly settled down...another problem came up between me n my boo....i went clubbin wothout telling him who i went with n where i went...yea yea...yet again its my fault i admit...but den again there's no one else i would go club with except my babes andgee who i can trust he should knoe that n the onli one place dat i normally go...he should knoe dat..but yeah its my fault as i alwis hang till late at nite like there's no tomorrow..(pause)...but again WE ALL should wen we're given da chance to rite??he was terribly pissed with me...but again we settled thangs n we're gonna talk about our problems one fine day...spend sumtime at starbucks or sumthin ta creat a betta future for da both of us i tink its da best way ta settle thangs as an adult i mean mature adults!!on top of all da shits...i see my life is getting less stress as i've made it clear to my bro dat i need sum time on my own cus my exam is like around da corner i still cant find dat corner...ehhhehe...yeah n my boo is getting horny n hornier as days pass us by...so yea this is jes a simple summary bout my life between a month...all de complecated scenarios dat happened...i shall continue it later...but i doubt it'll be a month later..hahah

i dun wanna tink about this anymore

its been such a boring day today...woke up at 11 den went to nafis's house chilled with me gurlfren andgee AGAIN...aahahahh yea though their togather but i hope nuthin can take away our frenship value...but at da same time i dun wanna be their lamp post...wutever it is we're still frens so wtf live life to da fullest...finally everythang has its ending...my jobs are done for now..i can live in peace except for one thangs dats been running in my mind this few days which is da problem between me n my boo boo nigel...he msged me this morning he said "our distance are getting further" wen i tink bout it again yes its true but i knoe dat we can be attached bak cus i hav faith n hope for everythang...its true sumtimes i may fall for other guys but they are the once i call PASSERBYS...its jes temporily feelins..i learned a lesson today passerbys cum n go...nuthin can be compared to my relationship with nigel...we r one n will be one forever...its easy ta say I LOVE YOU but its rather hard ta understand da real meaning of it..hmm....i tink i wanna go take my bath now..den gonna watch sum dvds i bought like centuries bak...

nuthin much ta say

another day had passed...aaww...wish da days in future would pass even faster!!i would love ta take a good rest n continue this wen i get my arse up later..nitess

starting of a miserable blog...this is me...

here i am again doing wut i should do wen i cant sleep or wutever...huu i cant really describe how i am really feelin now n where i am....life has been great n really realy teruk oso...jes came bak from asia afta chillin wit my chickas jo andgee kathy n nafis n pots....damn!i cant stop vomitting!!i tink i'm pregnant!!but hell no!!i cant be...i do safe sex..how can i get pregnant?n besides i onli did it once ow no twice actually...dun mean ta publish it..but ow well its my blog bhaa...i cant sleep i cant sleep!!!i'm so tired but i cant sleep...y?well mayb i'm tinkin too much...n i hav no idea wutda fuck am i thinkin about...there's so many thangs in my mind rite now i dunno where to start....ppl well most of my frens tink dat relationship is their biggest problem but for me its da emptynes i feeel inside....the hatered i had since i knoe my family was not like ordinary family...it's complicated i really duno where ta start...i hate ta live my life as the youngest who dosent get wut she wants n on top of that she needs ta be da responsible one...da one to be blamed for everythang...da one who will take ppl's pain away...the one ppl turn to wen their in trouble n the one ppl ditch wen their ok...hhmm...y cant GOD jes take me away or make my life abit betta?i knoe i'm abit slower den normal human beings but i am learning...trying my best wishing dat GOD will gimme da power da strength n courage to move on n live life to da fulest like wut ppl alwis say....my brother has been a problem to me but i'm accepting it as i alwis bare in mind dat he wants da best for me...but i jes hate it wen he lays his hands on me...his extremely violence to de extend he almost kill me...i would be glad so so so glad dat one day i die in his hands jes so dat he would learn a lesson not to kill his wife in future...i've been tortured since i was a lil gurl but i dun mind at all becus da ppl who hits me jes wants me to learn but no one knoe how it felt....no one knoe how i felt....wut wa it like to bare da most unbareble pain i'm goin thru...i mite sound a lil over da hill but i am sumone who covers up everythang perfectly....make everythang look as if its perfect..dats y i hate going home lookin at da four walls luckily its painted n look at da world's most unconsidered fucka brother n da world's most useless fucka dad....i am sorry i havta say this but he is totally useless...da story is long n i dun wish ta tink about it..de onli thang i knoe is dat his useless he didnt educate us thats y i am wut he made me into...a total slow crazy lost bitch....lalala...i hav nuthin ta say bout mama as she was da one who's alwis strong but we will neva appreciate wut she did n she is still doing which is to keep da family in one piece...i love everyone n if its not cus of dat i would probably be a faget smokin crack doing shits outside n never will cum bak to where i call home....dats all i guess more shits ta cum...but lets jes tink of da song by dhoul "happy thoughts" nananananan......good nites to all da faggets n gd moning to all da successful ppl inda world!

wwaaa....wut a nite!

awesome!!!everythang was so awesome..everythang was paid off lerh..t was worth da trouble!!honest shit!..hmmmm..so everythang is settled down finally bak to where i came frm-home. doing my thang again...ehemm..well acctually jes came bak frm da tiesto pit party..it was so totally awesome..omg!!!no words can describe how fun it was but jes a blink of an eye its over aredi...though i didnt shhuffle well but still da companion was there i love it!dang it!!!i went wit my babes angelica n met nafis n dani there..they were like so stoned layaning da song shuffling like "PROFESSIONALS" but yea they are...not long afta we reach we met kathy her bf n her frens...she looked totally HOT!like sooo WOW...but me n andgee looked like de only 2 gurls who wore beach shorts(as usual) wit ordinary top make up n our sneakers...kakakaka...at one moment yea i did felt abit bored cus angie was wit nafis dancing dancing but me?i was dancing wit da pagar not da penjaga pagar but da pagar..teehee...wen they crack da fireworks everyone was hugging n stuff but for me i was jes standing next ta dani..lookin at da fireworks...haiz...brought me bak to independence day last year da 1st time me n my darlin nigel...haaaa...but nvm we still hav da future to savour..ow god!!!i wished so badly that my beebee was there with me ta savour da second firework..i wish he was with me kissin n hugging n hugging n kissin n dancing...den tonite would be a total different nite den...kakakak!!but shit happens...i hav like tons of thangs ta say but its time ta shut my lil eyes..n get up early later i'll update more about da pit party later larh....aawww...wut an amazing nite!!